I am thinking about how pain can be so many different things, or rather, how it can be evoked from so many different things and feel in so many different ways. And in different places.
Physical pain is the most obvious one. You fall and hurt your arm, it hurts in your arm. Throbbing, carving, instant, short or long lasting pain, but in any case palpable and expected and immediately recognisable. It’s a pain that can even be to your help in establishing the severity of the damage. So it’s a kind of smart pain, it’s your body telling you to stop and check the hurt limb in order to know how to proceed.
Then there is the pain of being mentally hurt by another person, as in being let down, disappointed, betrayed. Why it appears and where it stems from has general traits, but is also quite individual. What hurts the one person may be totally neutral to the other. I’d think it’s an equation of what goes on inside the head of the receiver but also a reflection of the relation between the two parties in the communication. As us humans are herding animals I’d guess this type of hurt is a way of establishing roles in a group. In order to be a successful group everyone has to know their role and place. I’d also say however this hurt has become a bit twisted with the modern times, and that we spend relatively too much time dwelling on our own role rather than enjoying and living it.
But then there is the real pain.
A close friend recently lost a very close person.
That must be the hardest pain of them all. I can’t even imagine going through the same thing. It’s beyond understanding and preconception. And yet we all will or have or are going through it in one way or the other. It’s part of life. But that doesn’t make it easier. It will feel less, or at least we will learn to live with the pain, we know that. But that doesn’t make it easier either. Losing a close person must be like tearing out a part of your nervous system, an inexplicable feeling of sadness and loss and sick to your stomach whilst at the same time becoming increasingly and alarmingly certain in your knowing that losing a person means you will never meet that person physically again. Never see, never touch, never listen to or be listened to. A pain that goes through your core, through your body and mind without any discrimination of where the pain was induced.
It makes me realize that this is the kind of pain we feel in the heart. And I realize that is where it lives because it grows from the love we feel for the lost. And that’s why we feel it everywhere. It’s from and part of our soul.
So remember my friend, your pain comes from your heart and soul. And as opposed to the bodily parts that you will have to live through seeing buried very soon, the soul is forever. And so is the love.
My heart aches for you friend.